Sunday, February 13, 2011


Ugh, I'm such an idiot. After three weeks of keeping to a 1200-1600 calorie range, the past three or four days have been awful! I may have gone up to 2000 calories on at least one of those days. I feel sluggish and unmotivated. And I haven't gone to the gym in like four or five days. What the what!?

My boyfriend had a bad day yesterday. His wallet and iPhone were stolen at the gym while he was playing basketball with a friend. Of course, food is comfort, so when he got home I took him to Denny's. I had Chicken Parmesan. What the fuck? That's a huge meal, with a megaton of carbs. Little to no nutritional value. God damn it. 

Today, my boyfriend was craving taco salad, so I looked up a healthy recipe on SparkRecipes to indulge him. We went to the store (after stopping by Burlington Coat Factory to buy him a new wallet) and I ended up indulging myself. I bought tortillas and tortilla chips (but really, the tortilla chips are for a chips and salsa snack, which in moderation is perfectly fine and healthy!). I tried to buy a 20 count box of Safeway chocolate chip cookies, but my boyfriend persuaded me to put them back. It was so hard! I literally felt as if my life was getting sapped out of me with every step closer to the shelf.

On a related note, SparkPeople is a godsend. I've been a member for a couple of years, and before that, I was a member of BabyFit, their site dedicated to expectant mothers. I purchased their book, The Spark, and it was fantastic. I know that these bad weeks I might have are okay, that I shouldn't give up, that I need to make healthy living a habit and giving up just allows the negative habits to persevere.

However, I have to bitch about something. Chris Downie, the creator of SparkPeople, is a mega douche. A lot of his book is about his life, as if he could possibly relate to me, the reader. I have nothing in common with him. Multiple times through the book, Downie is all like,

I may have had it easy in college, and be rich and healthy and have a house overlooking the ocean, but I'm just like you, you fat lower class loser. Really. I'm just like you. I had a hard time with shyness, so naturally I can relate to traumatic experiences like obesity and poverty.

Maybe I'm being harsh. No. Fuck that. I know most of the members of SparkPeople or readers of The Spark are probably middle class professionals, but I still feel like it was a little bit rich (hurr) of Downie to posture as if he could possibly relate to me. I was almost offended by it. This guy has no idea what it's like to be depressed, suicidal, to come from an abusive family, to have had an abusive partner. Instead, his idea of relating to our struggles is:

I used to be shy, and while I was naturally thin, I just wasn't healthy.

All I'm saying is I wish he hadn't riddled his book with the typical "inspirational speaker" bullshit and just gotten down to the meat of his message.


  1. Are you just trying to be healthy or are trying to lose weight?

    Over the winter, I purposely gave myself a little potbelly because during the summer I saw a girl at the mall with a similar figure. Everything else was small looking. She just had a little gut. It was so cute. So, I decided my mission over the winter would be to get that little potbelly. I know it sounds silly and probably a little self-destructive, but I stopped listening to my body and I just ate.

    I think one of the main reason why I have always been thin is because I listen to my body. My body tells me when I need to stop eating, when I need to start eating, when I need to stop eating a particular item, when I need to start eating a particular item, etc. Now, I don't listen and I can feel the bad effects of that. The "I want to vomit" bad effects. But, I did gain those five extra pounds needed to get that potbelly and I enjoy having this potbelly. However, come summer... I will listen again and because it's the summer, I will naturally be more active. So, I'm sure I can get the weight off without having to go out of my way to get it off. That's the thing I can never see myself doing. Going out of my way to exercise and diet. I hate formal exercise. I want to be active, but have fun. I enjoy food and I'm not going to restrict myself just to be thin. True, I can't deny how happy I am that I got lucky in that area, so I can enjoy food without having to restrict myself nor formally excerise. However, this is not going to lost forever. Usually my family goes downhill after pregnany. But, I figure when that moment comes, my body will naturally tell me what I need to do. I know I eat a lot less than I did when I was teenager and it's because my body isn't that hungry anymore and it tells me that. I used to be able to eat a whole foot-long from Subway, with soup, cookies, soda, and chips... in one sitting. And I would get hungry again like two hours later. Now, I can only eat a 6-inch sub and after that, I feel bloated. Add the drink, and I'll probably be dead. I just trust my body. It's always been good to me. Also, I would like to think I would have a more established exercising routine by the time that downhill occurs.

    I admire people like you. I cannot do that. I'm a lazy piglet.

  2. I'm trying to both lose weight and be healthy. I'm trying adopt a new lifestyle. I used to eat fast food once a day, every day, and I am naturally very sedentary because I'm unemployed. I want to be able to live a long, active life for my daughter, so I have to also get heart healthy as well.