Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Breaking the cycle...heal yourself in seven days....

There are so many things going on right now. I don't know where to start. I guess I'll make a list, and elaborate on the ones that I feel like talking about. I feel like a cyclone. Help me.

  • I am petty. My best friend (and one-time lover, former sugar daddy) proposed to his girlfriend today. She is a horrible, nasty, disgusting woman who manipulates him with mind games, but because he is 38, he feels he has to settle since the woman he really loved (me) did not want him. They've only been together a very rocky 4 months. She's jealous of me, but I am not a threat. She wants him to take my car, which is in his name while I am unemployed, but that I have to pay for, away. His harpy soon-to-be-wife wants him to take it away so that he never has to talk to me ever again. If he takes my car, he will be transferring his older vehicle into my name, so I own it completely, owe nothing and he can move on with his life. I don't want him. He doesn't want me anymore. We're just best friends. I don't care about the car. If he trades vehicles with me, fine whatever. But I don't want to lose him in my life. Ever. I love him very deeply, if only in a platonic way.  If he goes through with kicking me out of his life, I will never recover from that deep of a betrayal.

  • ...I am petty. My best friend proposed to his girlfriend the day after Valentines Day, I watch Bridezillas and see these horrible women getting married...I want to get married. I'm kind and giving. Why doesn't anyone want to marry me? What's wrong with me? I am jealous and bitter.

  • I am not losing weight no matter what I do, and the disappointment is leading me back into my old habits. I'm an emotional eater, and a stress eater, and it's this vicious cycle that I can't break free from. 

  • I am unemployed, and I'm fucking trying. I'm trying. And I can't seem to get a break.

  • My ex boyfriend, and father of my child, keeps abusing me. He lives 1000 miles away, but he texts me and drunk dials me just to tell me to hurry up and die, that nobody loves me or cares about me, that I'm a bad mother. He plays games with me. He doesn't pay child support, but sometimes he dangles money in front of me to get me to beg for some help, and then he takes it away. Once in a blue moon, he actually deposits money in my account, so there's just enough hope to keep me begging for more. 

I want a new life. I want to be someone else


  1. Wow, that's raw. I'm sorry you're going through so much. What a horrible ex boyfriend. Have you considered taking him to court over the child support? I know you said you don't have a job but there are lawyers out there that do pro-bono work.

  2. He's full-blooded Navajo. He keeps threatening me that if I take him to court for child support, he can take the jurisdiction to the Navajo Nation and make the case that I'm trying to take away our daughter's Native identity, and he'll get full custody. I fear that more than anything, and he knows it. That's the only reason I haven't tried.

  3. I don't understand how demanding the money he is legally obligated to provide you to help take care of the daughter the two of you made can in any way be construed as trying to take away your daughters Native identity... Is it because you're a woman? Or not part of their Nation? If I were you I would make my case, to both the American judicial system, and the Navajo one. If you are upfront with his Nation about your intent and your need for the money to provide as a parent, he can't manipulate them before you get a chance to speak. And know doing what is best for your daughter is the only decision. I can't believe he is being so horrible to you, no one deserves that kind of abuse. I'm so sorry.

    As for your bff who is now engaged; that doesn't make you any less beautiful, that doesn't make you any less worthy of love. Youre 23, you have SO MUCH TIME. This woman in his life doesn't have much clout, that is obvious. Bro's before hoe's, right? In this case you lucked out and are te bro. Friendship wins overall, especially when he knows full well he is settling.