Sunday, June 17, 2012

I am too negative.

I think on Saturday I blew my chances of ever joining the coven I wanted to join. I went to their open ritual for Litha, and afterwards, I asked their advice about my mother who basically stole $70,000 from my college fund when I was a teenager. The conversation went on, and someone pointed out that the ritual was about letting go of negativity, and I needed to let go of my anger. It was at that moment that I realized...I was being nothing but negative. I wasn't being pleasant at all. I was being self absorbed, negative, and perpetuating that kind of negative energy within the group.

I am so mortified.

I'm going to continue to go to the pagan discussion group, and I'm going to try to show them that I can be positive, but I think my chances are blown.

I guess it's just not meant to be.

Perhaps in February I'll start my own coven.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


This last full moon, I completed my second full moon esbat ritual. It was invigorating. I didn't prepare as well as I should have however, so I am very much looking forward to next month's esbat to really delve into myself.

Even without all the details, I felt the ecstasy that Starhawk talks about when describing how magic and ritual should make one feel. I mean, I think I did. It wasn't the quaking shudder of orgasm, but a resonating vibration of my very spirit.

It was quite inspiring.

Of course words can't do it justice. I will try, but no matter what masterpiece of words I create, I don't know if I'd ever really capture that feeling.