My entire life, I've struggled with chaos.
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in the 8th grade, it was
during a time of great upset within my family. My parents were
divorcing. I'd always been an angry child, bittersweet, because I'd
shower you with kisses and then go for the juggular, only to shower you
with kisses the next moment. As I grew older, I wanted to find peace.
Comfort in my own skin, contentment in my life, satisfaction with the
choices I made. I tried going to church, and reuniting with nature. I
tried to lose myself in my books or video games. My quest for peace
became so desperate, I tried to escape reality instead.
I am finding it now. I feel I have a somewhat tenuous grasp on my
sense of contentment, but my passion burns inside of me, turning my
self-loathing into a glowing, metaphysical battering ram of
determination.
I've stated before that this year I awoke from what I call an emotional coma. I haven't felt my eyes so wide open since I was 8 years old. I know that with time, discipline, and dedication, the world is going to shine just that much brighter.
I am so excited to see.
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