Friday, December 30, 2011

Facing the Shadow on the Threshold

My entire life, I've struggled with chaos.
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in the 8th grade, it was during a time of great upset within my family. My parents were divorcing. I'd always been an angry child, bittersweet, because I'd shower you with kisses and then go for the juggular, only to shower you with kisses the next moment. As I grew older, I wanted to find peace. Comfort in my own skin, contentment in my life, satisfaction with the choices I made. I tried going to church, and reuniting with nature. I tried to lose myself in my books or video games. My quest for peace became so desperate, I tried to escape reality instead.
I am finding it now. I feel I have a somewhat tenuous grasp on my sense of contentment, but my passion burns inside of me, turning my self-loathing into a glowing, metaphysical battering ram of determination.

I've stated before that this year I awoke from what I call an emotional coma. I haven't felt my eyes so wide open since I was 8 years old. I know that with time, discipline, and dedication, the world is going to shine just that much brighter. 

I am so excited to see.

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