I think on Saturday I blew my chances of ever joining the coven I wanted to join. I went to their open ritual for Litha, and afterwards, I asked their advice about my mother who basically stole $70,000 from my college fund when I was a teenager. The conversation went on, and someone pointed out that the ritual was about letting go of negativity, and I needed to let go of my anger. It was at that moment that I realized...I was being nothing but negative. I wasn't being pleasant at all. I was being self absorbed, negative, and perpetuating that kind of negative energy within the group.
I am so mortified.
I'm going to continue to go to the pagan discussion group, and I'm going to try to show them that I can be positive, but I think my chances are blown.
I guess it's just not meant to be.
Perhaps in February I'll start my own coven.