I don't know...

I'm under a whole bunch of stress lately. I know I just made a list of how much I'm looking forward to the future, but what's mental illness but worrying about things too much?

• I'm worried about money. I don't have enough to get me through until I get more financial aid money in July. My friend told me he'd help me, but I don't like asking for money. I haven't even made my car payment yet.
• I'm worried about school. This quarter is just horrible for me. 
• I'm worried about paying for college once I transfer to a four year university
• I'm worried about getting IN to a quality four year university.
• I'm worried about finding a coven. I know, when the time is right, one will find me, but I crave the way I felt at the public rituals I've been to. I can't seem to reproduce that...magic...when I practice on my own.
• I'm worried about myself. I have been making so much progress with changing my worldview and calming down, but with my anxiety going out of control lately, I'm worried I won't be able to continue growing and evolving.
• I'm worried about getting a letter from my doctor saying I need a companion pet for my anxiety. If I don't, I'll have to pay a HEFTY pet deposit at my apartment, and I just can't pay it.

I need help. I don't know anyone who can or is willing to help me though. I mean, my friend said he'll lend me money when I run out, but making phone calls to agencies around here asking for help, help calling doctors so I can find a pediatrician and new primary care physician for myself and my daughter, help calming down. 

I am still optimistic...but this stress is destroying me. 

I adopted a kitty!

So here's the story.

I decided to adopt a kitten a couple days ago. I went on craigslist and found a 3 month old male kitten that had his shots and was neutered. He came with toys, two food bowls, a self refilling water station, and two litter boxes. All for a $50 rehoming fee. So I emailed the family and arranged to pick him up at 9am the next morning.
I woke up 2 hours earlier than usual because their home was over an hour away, and took my daughter to school. When I was halfway to Gig Harbor, where they lived, I received a text cancelling because it was their daughter's birthday and she was crying over them giving their kitten away.

Who gives away a child's pet on their birthday!?


So I returned home and posted my own ad on craigslist ad looking for a kitten or young cat preferably already with their vaccinations for a small rehoming fee. I received several messages, but one was local and VERY reasonable. This time, for a six month old female kitten. I arranged to pick her up that very day.

As soon as I had arranged that, the original family texted me, saying they were willing to give me the kitten for free now because they were sorry for the mix up. I apologized and told them I couldn't afford to drive that distance again. They begged me to take the kitten, but I just couldn't drive all that way again before school.

 My friend and I went to pick up my new kitten at a little house in Edmonds. The house had 5 roommates in a two bedroom, and there were books about pot all over the living room. There was a huge bong proudly displayed over the fridge.

The story we were told about my kitty is that she was found in the woods at around 3 weeks old, and was bottle fed. She was abandoned. She is a shy, sweet kitty, and needs a quieter home than the one with the 5 young people acting all crazy. They were party people. (Nothing wrong with party people, but just like people, some animals don't like that atmosphere.)

So I brought her home, and after just a few hours here at home, she is already willing to come out of hiding and interact with myself and my daughter. She is super sweet and I just love her to pieces.

Without further ado, meet Arya.

The Future Is Going to Be Bright With Opportunity

I am so excited about the future. I know I say this quite a bit, but I really am looking forward to, well...LIFE.

• I think my love life will be just fine. I am a strong, capable, beautiful woman and I know that love will find a way.
• I think my child and I will thrive as I begin to increase how much I have her to more than 50% of the time.
• I think I will be successful in school.
• I think financially, I'll be able to budget properly.
• I think that since I'm taking Momo's sperm donor to court for child support, I'll finally be able to cut the cord with him and stop talking to him.
• I think that someone will someday step up and be the father Ariana deserves.
• I think I will flourish in my religion.
• I think I will make friends and keep them for years. 
• I think I will be happy consistently for all of 2012. 

I can't wait to see what the future holds for me.